The shipping is still iffy and receipts still come signed “Thanks! [followed by HAPPY FACE]” in that distinct handwriting that tells you your ebay seller is a grandmother or retired schoolteacher. Sometimes both.

I hate buying and selling equally on Ebay. I tried to sell my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, “The Secret of Ooze”, special edition Viewfinder (”with slides :P!”) and all I got was one lousy bidder. Only one person in the world wants this? COME ON. It was mint and in the box, and fun for the whole family.

That was two years ago, and it’s only until now that I have actually found a use for the only website I know that actually has an informercial that runs at 3 am on Saturdays that explains to you how to work it.

If history tells us anything at all, it’s that fashion always goes out of fashion, and after any season finale of Project Runway, you are going take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror and say, “I CAN DO THAT. I COULD BE IN THAT SHOW.” Well, start writing up your resignations folks, I’ve got some tips that could have your impressions of Tim Gunn entertaining middle America in no time.

Simply go on ebay and search by subtracting the number of necessary decades from the current season to get your self a “new” look. Yes, if skinny pants are in, you’re going to have to subtract 50 years and invest in a Vogue vintage pattern. And as luck would have it, women back then had real curves, hence real sizes, so make no mistake, you’ll probably have to go a size down when you order.

I also liked this three shirt set that I robbed another old lady for. In all honesty, I had to buy a few just to get full patterns. These women may be innocent but they’re also almost legally blind and it’s probably a surprise to anyone that the children they made these clothes for are even alive, so sometimes a left front pocket will be missing, or a right pant leg. Don’t sweat it, they’re cheap, and in some kind of odd way, it’s nice to see that happy face, it’s like getting a 100% on a spelling bee!

*This entry is dedicated to DK. Now leave me alone