I just got a bill from my insurance company who seem to be under the impression that they don’t have to pay for any of my recent annual Ob-Gyn visit. Not the labs or the consultation - they were filed as non-routine. Because,you know, I unroutinely waltz into the doctor’s office and say, “Test me for the Clap!” and “Scrap a thin layer of my uterus and find cancer!”. You know, on the same day. Back to back. “Just, you know, if you’ve got some big, cold, metal pliers you could wedge up there and dick around with, do it.” Assholes.

Does anyone have the Clap? Or like herpes or something? I’d really like to mail something back with my payment.