Start stealing from the church collection box because according to NPR, Bible Action Figures will be available at Walmart this week! Although this is supposed to encourage kids to play with dolls that are perhaps morally superior to what is available these days, usually a session “playing dolls” involves (for both boy and girls) a gruelling couple of hours coming up with an intricate (and ultimately blasphemous) storyline that mimics the entire season of A Guiding Light. If I were still in my dolly phase, I could see myself spending the whole afternoon playing out baby Jesus as an illegitimate child in a long custody battle between Joseph and Mary with a possible cameo from Barbie as the family court judge. Maybe use a dissected Jem doll as evidence provided by the CSI team. You know, shit like that.